This transcript was generated automatically and may contain minor errors.

I appreciate the focus on raising children and the song that we just sang, and I'll be honest with you this evening. I have a lot of mixed emotions about that thought for a variety of reasons. My one of my children is now in college, and so she's left the home. It was hard not to think about that as we were singing that song. Also, a just a fairly traumatic tragedy happened today.

My wife called in our homeschool community. One of the mothers is in a head on collision and was killed. Her three children were injured or in surgery. Just a horrific event. And that's in the that was this morning.

And so if we wanna talk about the seriousness of the things we're talking about, I would just point you to that. She woke up this morning and headed to what she thought was gonna be a day of school with her kids, and she never made it. And her kids are gonna continue on and now are left with the lessons that she has taught them over these years. And so it's important. It's important the things that we're doing.

It's important that our children see us get this right, how we handle conflict, the way we deal with problems around it's important that our children learn to do this God's way and not the ways of men, which is so often, unfortunately, how things are handled, particularly in the world, obviously. But sadly, sometimes among god's people, where some of the texts that we're looking at, some of the things we're discussing are passed over because they're not comfortable or they're not easy. And that's why it's so important for us, to discuss this. I also thought about my son, Xander, as we were seeing that, and I've met each time I've gotten up here to thank you for your many prayers for him. That means so much to us.

We got so many cards, and many of them came from people in this congregation. I remember, the first year of everything that went on. His birthday was not long after he was diagnosed, and I think we got about 600 cards from all over the country sending cards to Xander, and I remember opening cards from Timberland Drive. And so I just so appreciate the work and the effort that went into that to lift our spirits. And then I know the many prayers that that have been offered on our behalf.

And so I'm just so grateful for that, and you mean so much to me and to my family for a variety of reasons. Also, I'm often asked, are you related to? And usually, the answer is no. But my uncle Arthur is here tonight, and my aunt Diana, and they are related. Arthur Moody preaches in Livingston or has.

Are you still preaching in Livingston? Yes. He is. So I am related to Arthur Moody. He is here with us tonight, and I'm so glad that they came.

It's just a joy to be in their presence. When Katie and I first started dating, she had learned a lot about our family. She came to Thanksgiving one year, and she thought we were all mad at each other, but we weren't. We were just in the kitchen discussing the book of Revelation, heatedly, as we like to do. And she wasn't used to that, but I owe a lot to my family, to my dad's side of the family, to men like my uncle Arthur and women like my aunt Diana, and just the good ways they've raised their children and that I got to see when we were together and the effort of my parents and all of these people in my family who did the very thing that our brother talked about this evening about the importance of raising children.

And so that is such a vital thing. If you brought your children tonight, you're doing that. That's part of this process. I know there's so many other things that we could be doing on a Monday night, but you have chosen the good portion. And this is part of raising our children in a way that shows awareness to the most important things of life.

And so I'll leave you with that in terms of our opening thoughts this evening, and now I wanna get to the text. I was frustrated with myself last night after the sermon because what I meant to do after my introduction was to read part of the text. And then I realized when I sat down, I didn't do that. And so I apologize. The text is what matters most.

And if you only get the content of the letter of Philemon and you disagree with me on various other things, you have benefited from listening to the letter. So we're gonna read this letter. We're gonna read what Paul has to say to Philemon, then and I wanna work through this tonight from Paul's perspective. We've looked at this from Philemon's perspective, the one who's been wrong and needs to forgive. We've looked at it from Onesimus' perspective, the one who's in the wrong and needs extreme humility and willingness to correct the issue.

And now we're gonna spend some time looking through the idea and the concept of what it means to be a mediator, the one who helps people deal with the conflicts that they're in. So let's begin reading in Philemon verse one. Paul, prisoner for Christ Jesus and Timothy, our brother, to Philemon, our beloved fellow worker, and Apphia, our sister and Archippus, our fellow soldier, and the church in your house. Grace to you and peace from God our father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints.

And I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love's sake, I prefer to appeal to you. I, Paul, an old man, and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus. I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment.

Formerly, he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me. I'm sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, but I prefer to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while that you might have him back forever, no longer as a bond servant, but more than a bond servant, as a beloved brother, especially to me. But how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand. I will repay it. To say nothing of your owing me even your own self.

Yes, brother. I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you knowing that you will do even more than I say. At the same time, prepare a guest room for me for I am hoping that through your prayers, I will be graciously given to you.

Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Most conflict involves two sides. One who has been wronged and another one who has been wronged, or at least that's the story. Everyone tends to feel like they've been wronged, that no one understands how what was done to them was the wrong thing.

And everybody side with their perspective and their account. And sometimes maybe things were a little bit more clear. Maybe you would say with Philemon and Onesimus that there's a little more clarity here. It seems like Onesimus is clearly in the wrong. He has left.

He's he probably has some debt he should have paid off, and he took off and in some way has damaged or hurt Philemon. But as I've already introduced in previous sermons, it's unlikely that there was just absolutely nothing that happened on the other side of this. Why would he have run to Paul in the first place? And even if we don't think he ran to Paul as was a typical type of response in amicus domini appealing to the friend's master, the master of the friend, maybe he's just leaving. Right?

It's too much. He doesn't like what's happening here. He feels like he's mistreated. We don't know exactly what happens, but if he enjoyed things and everything was great, he wouldn't have left. And so likely, he has some kind of complaint.

And sometimes it's easy for us to assume, well, it's just better to let those two people figure these things out. Paul was neither the offender nor the offended. He was in prison hundreds of miles away as he mentions four times in the text, kinda significant that he keeps mentioning the fact that he's a prisoner. And he had every reason to just completely stay out of this scenario. And what we see in the story with Paul and his interaction and his willingness to get involved in this is that god often preserves fellowship and helps us maintain the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace through faithful Christians who are willing to help reconcile others.

Every congregation needs godly mediators who help resolve conflict. And what I want us to get from this as we work through the content tonight is that godly people refuse to ignore and dismiss conflict. They refuse to hide the problems, sweep them under the rug, to pretend like everything's okay, to try to protect image. You know, we don't want anybody to think we have problems here or that there's any issues. Godly people refuse to act that way because fellowship is too important.

Fellowship is much more important than image. It's much more important than trying to portray something that we aren't and being fake. In fact, I would say that is a terrible way for us to act and to interact, and people often see through that anyway. But it's so tempting. We want everybody to think the best, and so sometimes problems are just swept under the rug, or we don't wanna talk about them too much.

Godly people don't do that. We need mediators who are willing to help the two parties come together. And so godly mediation requires courage to face conflict, to face conflicts in the right way. And so the first thing I wanna point out seems fairly obvious, but we need to dig into it a little bit more, and that is a godly mediator enters the conflict. They're willing to get involved in something that, in some ways, may not have much to do with them, But they see the problem.

They see the conflict. They see the sin, whatever it is, and they realize help is needed. One of the first questions we should ask when we're dealing with this kind of thing is when does someone else's conflict become my responsibility? And I would suggest to you that in the ancient world, they would view this quite differently than we do. I don't have time to go into the depths of this tonight.

You may have had some teaching on some of this. I know that Reagan has done plenty of teaching on grace. I've heard him do other places, and has talked about kind of the network of benefits and benefaction and reciprocity and the way their economy worked and all of that. But they're very group oriented. The ancient world is very group oriented.

We are extremely individualistic. We like to think that the things that we're dealing with don't really matter to anyone else. You know, the sins I have or the problems that I have, they don't really affect others, especially if I can just kinda keep them to myself. But the people in the ancient world realize, yes, those do matter. Even when people don't realize what's happening, it affects you and affects your your personality and the decisions that you make.

And so the group definitely matters in everything that's happening. And that's why a private letter to Philemon Philemon in some ways is also addressed to the church. That's very normal in the ancient world. In fact, it's expected. The letter is filled with what I would call the language of grace.

It involves concepts like benefaction. For example, let me just show you at the end of the letter where we read in verse 20, he says, yes, brother. This is just completely clear. Yes, brother. I want some benefit from you in the Lord.

I mean, that is the language of benefaction, reciprocity, grace language. And Paul's doing a lot of appealing, and he's kind of wavering back and forth on who is have a person of the higher status. Ironically, I think all his mentioning of being a prisoner, he doesn't do this in other letters, by the way. Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ. Right?

Here, Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus. This is actually a little bit of a status thing. You know, it's likely that Philemon is wealthy, and he's a person of higher status in some ways, but Paul is also a person of higher status. Not only is he a prisoner for the lord, he's also Paul an old man. Just a little reminder.

I've been around a while, Philemon. I have some experience. Not to mention I could be bold enough to command you even though I'm not going to. Right? And so we might look at this is like manipulation or that sort of thing, but I don't want you to see it that way.

This is very expected in the ancient world as is the reality that he sends this to the whole church. Verse two, the church in your house, it's addressed to them, and they're all gonna hear this. And the accountability of the group is an important factor in what's happening in this. Philemon, as we already talked about, is very awkward situation. Onesimus shows up, and now he's got a decision to make, and the whole church is aware, at least a part of the details, and now there's some accountability.

In Matthew 18, when you follow this pattern and go to someone privately just between you and them and they don't listen, you take a couple more. And then if they don't listen again, what do you do next? You take it to the congregation. And I wanna point out it does not say take it to the elders. It doesn't say that.

The word there is ecclesia. It's you take it to the congregation. There is group accountability that is assumed in their culture. It's part of the way that they thought. It's part of the way that they worked, and this is what Jesus is saying is expected.

This is not something we sweep under the rug and try to hide. It's too important for that. Problems and issues, they affect fellowship. And Paul realizes that reality here with Philemon and Onesimus that this has the potential to create huge problems. But when we think of that question, when is my responsibility to get involved?

I think for many of us, at least I can say for myself, most instinctively, the answer is almost never. Yeah. It's not really my business. You know, we assume the wisest thing, the wisest course of action is just to kinda stay out of it. I mean, just just let things play out.

You these know, are the kind of things you've heard before? You know, we'll just let them we'll just let this play out and see how it goes. Paul demonstrates a very different mindset. He wasn't responsible for creating this conflict, but he recognized he could be a part of restoring these two men. Similar to Philippians four as we've already referenced.

We often justify staying on the sidelines with some really good sounding ideas and thoughts. And to be fair, sometimes they're legitimate, and it is complex. I'm not saying it's always easy, but, you know, that's just between them or they'll work it out or I don't know the whole story or getting involved will make things worse. It's none of my business. These are the kind of things that we say.

It feels really good just to kinda just stay on the sidelines and let's just not get involved. And while those can be legitimate at times, they can also become really convenient excuses for avoiding hard necessary conversation. And the needed confrontation that helps us do the very thing we're talking about this week, preserving fellowship. When we just stand idly by and we allow things to be slipped under the rug or hidden or ignored or dismissed, that affects fellowship. It creates bigger problems, problems that actually then expand beyond maybe the two people or the two groups that are at odds with each other.

And we might say, well, I don't wanna be a meddler. Right? I think this needs to be addressed. I don't wanna be a meddler. I don't wanna create more problems.

And so we'll think of a passage like Proverbs 26. Proverbs 26, by the way, the reference on there is wrong. That should have been changed. I'll read it out of my Bible. It says, Proverbs 26 and verse 17, whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.

You know, you see, I just I'm gonna stay out of it. I don't wanna be a meddler. I don't want you to be a meddler either, and I don't wanna be a meddler. But what's important is that word meddler means something different than mediator. That the word meddler in Hebrew there actually carries with it the concept of pride, of arrogance, even violence.

This is the kind of person who likes to jump into problems and create fights. They jump in without knowledge, without even knowing. They like to pull people to their side, and they have selfish motivations. They're not interested in listening or actually really helping. They have poor motivation and intentions.

They're not really seeking unity. And that's the image. Right? I mean, the guy who walks by and grabs the dog by the ear, is he is he trying to help things? No.

And so don't miss the image to use the excuse. Well, I don't wanna be a meddler. Yeah. We don't. We don't wanna be meddlers, but we do need sometimes to be mediators.

And mediators are very different. They come at things with with different motivations, with different intentions. They wanna listen. They wanna help. They're trying to bring unity, not division.

They're not doing this for their own benefit, but for the benefit of others and the whole group. They take their time and they're patient, and they're even willing to sacrifice as we'll talk about here in a little bit. So, yes, we don't wanna meddle in things that are not our business and create bigger problems, but that's not what mediators do. Mediators enter the conflict to be helpful, to seek unity. Now that's not received very well, and I understand that.

But the reality is and what we've been talking about yesterday and today is we do the right thing no matter the results. I think that's important because sometimes the way conflict is handled is through fear. Well, if we do this, we don't say it this way. But if we do this Jesus way, if we follow what scripture says, someone's gonna get upset. You know, I don't want people to get upset.

But sometimes that happens even when we do the right thing. Because some people, just as Jesus says, don't want to listen. So you go to this person and they don't wanna listen. There's a discussion, and so now there's recourse. Right?

Now you take some other witnesses to establish and confirm every charge. Interestingly, that's not there for them to just back you up. I mean, they're there as witnesses to understand what's actually going on, and it may be that when they establish every charge that say, you know, you're you're kinda being overbearing here, and I don't think that you're correct. And if that's the case, maybe it's time to step back and say, maybe I had it wrong. There's a reason.

There's a purpose behind why we do things Jesus' way. But sometimes in fear, we say, well, I don't wanna do that. I'm just gonna talk to somebody else about it and get their perspective. It's good to seek wisdom sometimes. I'm not saying we can't ever do that.

But what is our goal? What is our intention? Are we seeking the good of the other person, which is what Jesus is talking about there in Matthew 18? And by the way, Matthew 18 is not the only text in scripture that deals with how to handle conflict. Someone who's divisive, who's been warned once or twice is to be removed.

We don't need a meeting. We don't need private gatherings. There's so there's different ways that sometimes conflict and issues can be handled. But Matthew 18 is a really good one and it is the words of Jesus himself. And at least from my experience and the things I've seen preaching over the last twenty two years plus, people seem very comfortable ignoring the words of Jesus when there's conflict.

And deciding that their human wisdom is the better way to handle it. Often, it's because of fear. We don't want people to get upset. If I if I do this, they're gonna get angry. With all due respect, let them.

And follow the words of Jesus. Do what scripture says. That's what I wanna promote tonight. Be a mediator that cares about the results and goes about it the right way. The ends do not justify the means.

This is not about trying to avoid problems. It's not about trying to avoid somebody getting upset or angry or offended, and we must stop letting the most offended person run the show. When we do that, we're not following Jesus' way. And so peacemakers are the kind of people who are active. You know, Jesus talks about this.

Blessed are the peacemakers. There's a man named Ken Sands who writes a book called Peacemaker. It's really good. I would suggest reading through it. Like anything, I probably don't agree with all of it, but it's got some great content.

And one of the things he pulls out that I think is very helpful is he says Jesus didn't say blessed are the peacekeepers. There's a difference between those two things. What I just described to you a minute ago is a peacekeeper. They're afraid. They're afraid of conflict, and so rather than confronting it, they go about it in ways to try to keep everybody happy.

Just wanna keep the peace. You know, this person's upset. Let's just do what we gotta do to keep them happy and to keep them from causing problems. The reality might be they just need to be rebuked. And if they get upset, that may just be the reality, but it actually might be what's best for the whole group even to do something that's difficult and painful.

And a peacemaker will realize that and make that happen. They're active. Peacekeepers are passive. They just want to avoid the big problem and the big issues. We don't wanna have division.

And so in a fear of division, we go about things that are not the scriptural way to do things, which ironically often is what causes division. And so when we're talking about a mediator, this is someone who understands the concept of being a peacemaker, someone who's willing to confront the brokenness in front of them and help forge reconciliation. You ever ever done any kind of forging? You realize that takes a lot of work. But we have a guy that worships with us.

He was actually if you've ever saw that show, Forged in Fire, he won that show. And for a while, he actually do that anymore. But for a while, he would get classes together and people would come. And so my sons and I, we went and did that one time. It was a lot of work.

Yeah. You're sticking that thing in the fire, and then you're beating it with a hammer, you're putting it back in, and it's just the back and forth and the back. I mean, it took hours, hours. And then when I got down, I had this really interesting looking knife. I was a rookie.

I'd only done it once. But, you know, it took a lot of work to shape that thing. Peacemaking takes a lot of work. I'm sure Paul spent quite a bit of time working with Onesimus before he ever left. I talked about this already.

I seriously doubt Paul said, hey. You know what you need to do is leave, and he's like, great. Let's do it. No. Like, this takes some time and effort and work to help somebody see what is the best course of action when it is very uncomfortable and difficult to do.

They need some convincing. They need to be persuaded by the which is what he's also doing with Philemon as he writes this letter. He's trying to appeal to him and persuade him to do the right thing and to be obedient to the will of god. He doesn't necessarily tell him exactly what to do, but he says, hey. I know you're gonna be obedient.

I trust you that much. Do the right thing. That's what he's encouraging Philemon to do, he's persuading him to do this. Maybe it'll be helpful for us to run through a scenario what peacekeeping looks like. At least in my mind, this is how peacekeeping works.

Philemon hears that Onesimus is converted. He catches wind of this somehow. He tells his friends, Paul Paul doesn't know who Onesimus really is. And his friends agree, and they begin to hold Onesimus in suspicion. They're questioning his sincerity.

You know, he did this to get out of whatever trouble he's in. They start making up stories as we tend to do when we go down this road, making assumptions. Others are talking to Onesimus. You know, Philemon, he knows you're a brother in Christ. Like, he should forgive you now.

And if he doesn't, he's a hypocrite. They began questioning Philemon's character, which Paul was not willing to do. In fact, he does just the opposite. Others come to Philemon and say, you know, this conflict would be over if you would just let it go. Don't you know how bad an isthmus feels?

I mean, Christians shouldn't hold grudges like that. What's the problem here? Well, besides victim blaming, the two people who should be talking are the only ones not talking. Rather than Philemon and Onesimus coming together, which is actually what Paul fosters, you'll notice with how he handles this, Everybody's in their ear talking to each one. Have you ever seen this?

It's like this kind of confirmation bias or your echo chamber. You rally your friends around you and they tell you how right you are and how you've been wrong, then the other person should be doing this better. And because they aren't, you're really doing the right thing. As good as our intentions might be, that's how ugly peacekeeping is. It fosters assumptions and storytelling and gossip and slander.

Bad behavior, bitterness, the awkwardness grows, the conflict remains. People stay divided and are unsure who supports who and where everyone stands. And if we could just boil this down into one word, it would be toxic. That's what happened. When we enable that kind of behavior, it ends up in total dysfunction, and Paul wants none of that.

I want us to see he puts it all on the table. He says, Onesimus, you gotta go back. We're gonna send a letter, and we're gonna talk about what's going on here. Now as we'll talk about here in a minute, he doesn't necessarily put everything in there, but the details are there. What is necessary is there.

There's openness about what's happened here. And Paul makes it clear. He wants resolution here. He wants us to be taken care of, and everybody is aware. The church is aware of all of this.

We don't just get the most important people involved. Now everybody is aware of why Onesimus has come back. And the fact that Paul is commit him and speaking well of him. Open brings bad attitudes and assumptions and misinformation and spin and bias to light. It shines the light on it.

It can no longer hide in the shadows and grow like mold. But when we do this the other way, that's exactly what happened. The stories build and they grow, and relationships grow colder and more distant. The importance of fellowship means conflict becomes my concern. Scripture tells us and it calls believers to restore those caught in sin.

It tells us to bear with one another's burdens. It tells us to encourage the fainthearted, to be patient with them, to seek those who are wondering. Galatians six, first Thessalonians five. James five. And the goal in all of this is pointed out very well in James five.

This is to save a soul. Whoever finds one who's wandering in sin and brings them back, they have saved us all from death, James says. That's what Paul wants. He wants souls saved. Remember, god cares about every soul.

Matthew 18, we talked about that Sunday. That person you're upset with and you're angry with or frustrated or you have wronged or they've wronged you, god cares about them. He loves them. He wants what's best for them, and he will rejoice when they repent. And he will rejoice when I repent or when you repent.

He cares about every person. So we should treat people without reality. Let me make a suggestion. This is you can just mark this if you're taking notes under Brent's opinion for whatever it's worth. When we're dealing with conflicts, it's so much better to do it face to face, and that is true for a number of reasons.

And what I mean is not an email not a text message, probably not even a phone call because nonverbal communication is so important. Probably any of us of a certain age have had to deal with some sort of conflict at some point, and we dread those meetings as I've talked about before. We're we're worried about what's gonna happen, and then we get face to face with somebody and we begin talking, and there's just something about being face to face that changes the way we think. We see that real human person made in the image of God right in front of us. And if we have any inkling of character or quality to who we are and trying to be like our lord Jesus Christ and god the father, that makes a difference.

But we can also read their facial expression. We can see true sincerity. That's hard in text message. Have you ever sent a text message to somebody and they thought you're being sarcastic when you're being literal or the other way around? You know, text is hard sometimes.

And then you're like, oh, I hope you understood what I was saying was a joke. Right? Have you ever had that happen? That's because that's tough. So imagine writing a huge manuscript as your apology or your reception of and they're they're now they're dissecting every phrase and every thought because they didn't hear your voice.

They're just reading these lines on a screen or on a piece of paper or, you know, they don't see you. I just think it's better when we have conflict or we've had some kind of difficulty. Let's get together. Let's meet for coffee or for lunch or whatever it is, and let's sit across the table and look in each other's eyes, and let's make this right and resolve the issue. That's too godly people should.

It's inevitable that people sometimes have issues and they disagree, and we have to deal with that. And so what I'm suggesting is let's think about the best way to handle that, to solve the problem for the benefit of everyone. A mediator. Secondly, a godly mediator is going to represent both sides. What that doesn't mean is that they're okay with wrong actions.

You know, they look at what happened here and they say, well, let's just overlook. No. That's not what a mediator does. What what a mediator is interested in is what is best for both parties, a godly mediator. That's what they're trying to accomplish.

A godly mediator representing both sides does not mean they agree with what both people say. Again, that's a peacekeeper. They're trying to appease people. You know, the one person says, oh, I agree with you. I agree with you.

And then the other person talks, agree with you. I agree. No. That's a peacekeeper. You're just trying to appease people.

You're just trying to make someone happy. Something happened here that created a problem, and a mediator is willing to enter the conflict and work with these people to try to help them get back together. That involves some things that are uncomfortable. That involves pointing out realities that neither party want to see sometimes. And that can be done really gently as I think Paul does, but it has to be done.

We have to be willing to take the step that is sometimes not easy to do. One of the most remarkable features of this letter to me is Paul's balance. You know, he speaks fondly of both Philemon and Onesimus. Now I've seen people do this. There's some people who are just so good at this.

They're so good at getting people together and helping conflicts, and they can respect and have good feelings about each person. And that's what Paul's doing here. You know, he's talking about how great Philemon is. He is this beloved mother, and he's helped so many people, and he's refreshed the hearts of the saints. And all kinds of good things that he's saying about Philemon, real things, things that he knows about him.

But then he also is speaking fondly of Onesimus. Right? He's my child. He's useful. He's serving with me.

He's helpful to me. I mean, he's talking about in the in the Colossians four, he calls him a beloved brother. I mean, he has good things to say about both. And sometimes in our anger or our frustration, we can only see the negative. You've been there before?

And then when we sit face to face and we have a conversation, maybe we start seeing some of the good. But Paul's trying to help in this scenario. He's trying to point out some of the good things on both sides of this. Now this doesn't mean he's ignoring the reality of the problem. A mediator refuses to excuse sin.

Paul's not trying to have this confrontation take place and then act like what happened didn't really matter or wasn't a big deal. No. He acknowledges that Onesimus may have wronged Philemon, seriously wronged him, that he owes a debt, probably does owe some debt, and he's gonna handle that here in a minute. But he never minimizes the offense or acts like it isn't that important or says he's a brother now, so what he did before doesn't really matter. Being this the dismissive doesn't help anything.

It's actually rather obtuse to do that. What it means is I don't really know what it's like to really be hurt. You know, when I see someone a situation where someone's actually been hurt and I try to dismiss it or act like it's not a big deal, I'm not being very sympathetic to the reality of what happened. And Paul doesn't do that. He doesn't just try to gloss over.

He's talking about what's good about both of them, and then he's recognizing the real pain. The issue that is involved here that Onesimus wronged Philemon, and there's some sort of payment. There's something that needs to happen here to restore this, to get this back into order. A mediator refuses to weaponize truth. Paul, again, he's just so masterful in how he does this.

He never humiliates Onesimus in this letter. He doesn't manipulate Philemon and strong hand him. You know, I'm an apostle, and I know it's right, and this is what you need to do, and a godly person will forgive and receive this person. Now in some ways, he essentially says some of that, but he does it in a much more gracious way, a much more endearing way. He's making an appeal, and he even says, I don't wanna do this without your consent.

I don't want it to be by compulsion, verse 14, but of your own accord. He wants to persuade Philemon to come to the table and to come to agreement with Onesimus because he wants to. Because he sees the value of fellowship with his brother and the benefits of this and how important it is to the lord. And so he appeals rather than commands. He encourages rather than shame.

But in all of this, a godly mediator calls both people to right action. He expects repentance. He expects forgiveness, at least in the sense that he says, this is what godly people do. Right? This is what it looks like.

If you've been wronged, you need to take care of it. You have to receive. Receive him as you would receive me. That's another part of this language of benefaction. Did did you notice the statement here in verse 17?

If you consider me your partner, Preston talked about this word Sunday when he did the Lord's Supper talk. It's the word. It comes from the word, which is the word fellowship. If we have fellowship, this is what Paul is saying. If you consider us to be in fellowship, I want you to receive Onesimus just as you would receive me.

That's how important this is. He's playing on this idea of what it means to be in fellowship in Christ, and now he's saying he's a brother. And just as you would receive me if I showed up at your door, I want you to receive him. And mostly, what I want us to see here is that in all of Paul's actions, he refuses to lower god's expectation for people who were in conflict. Not every situation is the same, but he deemed in this situation through his interactions with Onesimus that he needed to go back.

And it wasn't gonna be okay with Paul to let Onesimus skip out again on his responsibility to take care of this. And as he's writing Philemon in the letter, he's telling about all the good things about his attributes and his qualities, and he says, hey. I know the kind of person you are, and I know you're gonna be obedient to the will of God. And what he's doing there is he's saying, I expect you to be a godly person in this scenario. Whatever that's gonna end up looking like and whatever that's gonna be, that's my expectation because that's god's expectation.

And just because we're upset or we're hurt or we're frustrated doesn't mean we don't have to act in godly ways anymore. And Paul being the kind of leader he was, the kind of man he was, the kind of mediator he was, made all of that very clear by what he said. And then finally, and this one's a little unique, I think, the mediator, a godly mediator bears the cost. Now you may have noticed in each of these sermons, there's something like this. Right?

What's at stake if you won't forgive? Onesimus had to willing to pay the price and sacrifice. And it's interesting that everybody in this scenario is willing to put something at risk. We're gonna talk some more about that tomorrow night about the idea of vulnerability and how important that idea is and what it actually means. But every single one of them, there's some sort of price to pay.

There's some cost, and that's the reason why we don't wanna do this so often. Because it's hard, and it will cost us something. But what I want us to get and what I think Paul is trying to help us see here is it's worth the price, whatever it is. Jesus cares so much about unity. God cares so much about unity.

He wants us to be one, and it's worth putting the effort in, and it's worth the sacrifice to get these people back together and to be in unity again. And so each person is is called through scriptural behavior and admonition to be willing to bear the cost. Paul says, if he has wronged you at all, verse 18, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. Now there's this the interesting statement here where he's sort of playing back and forth on who has the kind of the higher status, you might say. And he says, I'll repay it.

You put that on my account. But remember that you even owe me soul. He's working a little bit of equality here. Right? He wants Philemon to understand the fullness of the context of the scenario.

Right? It's kinda like the unforgiving servant who didn't realize how deeply in debt he was, and he goes out and strangles the fellow servant who just owes a 100 denarii. That statement sort of speaks to that idea. Like, don't forget, Philemon, who you are and how much you owe as you're considering how to be a just and fair master as he talks about in Colossians four and verse one. A meddler grabs the dogs by the ears and then blames the dog for barking.

Right? Creates the problem and says, look. Look at how they're acting and then begins to blame them. A peacekeeper spreads the cost around to everybody and resolves nothing. But a peacemaker, a mediator like Paul is willing to invest in reconciliation.

I think even literally, he's willing to put his own money on the line here to make this right. That's how important it is to him. Yeah. I'll pay for it. If it's about money, Philemon, you just charge me.

If that's what it takes to get the two of you back together, you've been wronged. You've been damaged financially and very well could've been serious. But Paul says, that's so serious. I'll take the hit. And reconciliation is costly.

It requires sacrificing time. And any of you who've been involved, right, elders, leaders who involved in conflict, you understand the sacrifice of time that is involved in dealing with issues, don't you? And your wives do too. Either being involved themselves or sitting at home at night waiting for you to get home because you've spent so much time trying to help people who are at odds. It's a sacrifice of time, of effort, sometimes of pride, even money like with Paul.

And consider that Paul is taking a substantial risk in his relationship with both Onesimus and Philemon. I think we can probably assume that things went well here, but that's not always the case. How many times have you gotten burned as the one who's trying to help? You know, Onesimus goes back and Philemon says, hey. Get out of here.

I mean, you call someone, you're thinking, no. He wouldn't do that. I mean, he's a Christian. I think we already talked about that yesterday. Do Christians always do the right thing?

You ever seen another Christian hurt someone? Be unforgiving and merciful? I mean, Onesimus is taking a risk, but Paul is too. He convinced him to go back. And then Philemon says, hey.

You're not welcome in my home. And Onesimus goes back, Paul, you can bet you thought this was gonna work? You convinced me to go here, and now I'm humiliated, and they won't receive me? This is all your fault. What about the other side of it?

And this must comes back and Philemon receives him, and then he burns Philemon again. Paul, you trusted this guy? Oh, he told you he was better and he was a new person now and all you believed him? You're so naive. Paul, I can't believe you do that.

And I listened to you because you told me to, and now look what happened. I already talked about this earlier. There's risk in doing the right thing, but we should still do the right thing. People don't always respond the way they're supposed to. And sometimes people just simply don't want to do the right thing as Jesus himself admits in Matthew 18.

And then they will blame whoever. They'll blame the mediator if that's necessary for them to try to shift the blame away from themselves. But if we care about fellowship and if we care about the people of god, we'll do what's right anyway. And I want you to consider this. Paul reflects the heart of Christ.

Consider that he steps into a conflict he did not create. He offers to bear a debt he did not owe, and he willingly sacrificed himself for the sake of reconciliation. And also consider that Jesus did this knowing some would reject his sacrifice. He knew what was in man. He tells us that in the gospel of John.

But he did it anyway. Because being in harmony with god, having fellowship with him is that important. Paul was willing to bear the cost just like Jesus was willing to bear the cross. He is mimicking him and the things he's doing. He is showing the heart of his father and of the son.

Because he cares about god's people just like Jesus did in the prayer in John 17. As a minister, as one who was sent by the lord himself, he wants to see the people of god being together, and he was going to do what it took to make that happen. Every Christian at some point is gonna find himself or herself in one of these scenarios. You live long enough, it's gonna happen. Sometimes we're gonna be Philemon, and we're gonna be called to be forgiving and merciful and gracious.

And sometimes we're gonna be Onesimus. We did the wrong thing. We sinned or we offended somebody. We're gonna be called to repent. But maybe more often even than that, we'll be called to be the mediator, the one who cares deeply about both parties because like God, you care about every soul.

And in doing so, you're willing to enter the conflict, not to be a meddler, but to be a mediator and to heal, to restore, to bring people back together. And so the question's not will conflict come, but it's gonna be whose shoes are you wearing when it arrives. And will I act in a godly way with godly wisdom, or will I try to do this my own way, which is destined to fail? As I just talked about, Jesus is willing to pay the price. He was willing to do that for me and for you to bring us back to God.

And that stands. That remains tonight. And if you are not in harmony with God, you have a mediator. You have an advocate with the father, someone who's willing to go on your behalf. If you are in Christ, if you've been baptized into Christ, that that remains.

First John two talks about that. We have an advocate. Even if we sin, he says, we don't want you to sin and you shouldn't sin, but if you sin, you have an advocate with the father, Jesus Christ, the righteous. And if you are outside of Christ, the bad news is you don't have that right now. But the good news is the water remains ready.

Come to the waters. Give your life to Jesus Christ. Be baptized for the remission of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, which is about life, new life through Jesus Christ. Can we help you do that tonight? Why don't you come now as we stand and sing?