It's truly a joy to be with you this morning. I appreciate Reagan's words earlier. There's so many of you that I know here this morning. Some of you are acquaintances. We've crossed paths over the years at various times.

You mentioned my daughter Chelsea who's at Florida College right now. We just dropped her off. And as I was sitting here thinking about what Reagan said, I had this memory when she was, I think, 10 years old. It was her second year at camp, and we're driving back. I actually have a picture of her.

I took a picture of her while she was talking. You could just see euphoria on her face, and she had had such a wonderful time. And she was telling me about her new friends, Maddie Joe and Mallory, and they have been such a joy. My little ones love Maddie Joe. She's been at our house many times.

And Josie, my eight year old, can't hardly take it if Maddie Joe comes and doesn't come to our house to see her. And so we have a lot of great memories with them coming and being at our youth weekend and spending time with our family even. We ran into Maddie Joe at volleyball tournaments across the country. And so just a real joy to get to be here with you. I know this is where she's from and where Mallory's from.

And so I've been highly anticipating this. Chelsea was actually kind of upset. She said you're dropping me off at Florida College, and then you're gonna go to Timberland Drive for a meeting. She would like to have been here herself, to see many of you and to enjoy this time as well. It's just a joy to be with you and to open God's word together and to think through the ideas related to fellowship and preserving fellowship over these these few days.

I wanna turn your attention first to the book of Colossians. Colossians chapters three and four. We're gonna begin looking through some text there to kind of set the stage with what we're gonna do over the next few days. We are gonna look through the book of Philemon, get conceptually familiar with the book, and we're gonna talk about this primarily from the point of view of Philemon, Onesimus, and Paul, and then kind of bring in some other texts that support these ideas and the concepts and why Paul is telling Philemon what he's telling him and why we see the behaviors we see. That's sort of the idea we wanna get through as we look at at the book of Philemon.

And I'll just recognize upfront, there's a lot of ideas and theories about Colossians and Philemon and how they go together. And if you want some great information on that, you can read David McClister's commentary on that. He covers it all. But I'm gonna kinda go with the simplest explanation. It's probably the most likely, and that's what I'm gonna work from as I come at this throughout the week in giving some rundowns of what I think is going on here based on the information we have.

And then primarily, it's as I said in the bible class hour, it's not all the specific details. It's really the principles that matter anyway. But I wanna turn your attention to a couple verses in Colossians just so you see the connection here to what's going on. So first of all, I wanna just read this section beginning in chapter three in verse 22. Chapter three and twenty two.

And if we can assume, which seems very likely, that Colossians and Philemon are being delivered at the same time and the congregation would have read this, it's interesting to think about the words that we're reading here and how they relate to the overall situation. Paul, in this household code, which he gives multiple places, and Peter does as well, he has this to say. He wants them to consider. Verse 22 of chapter three, bond servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your bond servants justly and fairly knowing that you also have a master in heaven. What a dynamic to set the stage what he's about to get into with Philemon and his bond servant or his slave, Onesimus. And the relationship that they're going to be dealing with and working through in the letter to the whole church, to Colossae, he is addressing this very concept and how a bond servant should act and live and how a master should treat him.

Drop back a few verses to verse twelve and thirteen. Verse twelve and thirteen are are verses that we're gonna keep hitting on this concept, but I just I want you to see the connection to Colossae and to the letter to the Colossians as we move forward into Philemon. He says, put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. That sort of sums up everything we talked about in the bible class hour. Does it not?

I mean, this is the nature of how new covenant people should live. If we're in Christ and we've given ourselves to Christ, there's a certain way that we go about that. And these concepts and these ideas are at the foundation of what Paul's then gonna do in the book of Philemon as he is appealing to Philemon. As we're just saying a few minutes ago, God rules over all the earth. His kingdom is a certain kind of kingdom.

And if we're going to be in that kingdom, he expects the citizens of his kingdom to act and to live in certain ways anticipating the time when all things are gonna be brought together, and we are gonna receive the inheritance in full as Paul talks about in Romans chapter eight. And so until that time, we live in fear and respect. We live in obedience to the will of God. And all of these concepts, I think, are pulled together in what Paul is trying to do here with Philemon. Whenever Paul finishes one of his letters, he usually includes greetings and travel plans.

And most of us kind of read quickly through these sections because we may be familiar with some of the names here and there that pop up in different places, but it kinda seems like housekeeping. You know, this guy is with me and this guy traveled here and greet this person who's from this place, and it seems not particularly interesting to us because it's not about the particulars of our life. And he does that here in Colossians four in a way that I think is probably pretty shocking to these people. He says in verse seven, will tell you all about my activities. Is a person who has been involved with letter writing and delivery for Paul throughout the New Testament.

You'll find his name connected to that. He is a beloved brother and a faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. I have sent him to you for this very purpose that you may know how we are and that he may encourage your hearts. And with him, Onesimus, our faithful and beloved brother, who is one of you. They will tell you of everything that has taken place here.

Well, if we know even a little bit about the backstory of Philemon or Onesimus, we know this would have been a very interesting scenario. Onesimus is not with Philemon. Somehow and in some way, he has ended up with Paul, probably in Rome. It's likely he has run away for some reason. And as we see in the letter, there's been some kind of wrong that has taken place here, and then Onesimus shows up.

I mean, can you imagine being in Philemon's shoes in this scenario? You come to the building on a Sunday morning. Everybody's greeting each other. You're happy to be there. And then comes in Onesimus, This guy who used to be a slave in your house.

At some point, the relationship broke down. He ran off somewhere, probably Rome where Paul is, and now he's showing back up at your home. That's where the church is. Right? When we begin to read this letter, he says, Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus and Timothy, our brother, to Philemon, our beloved fellow worker, and Apphia, our sister, and Archippus, our fellow soldier, and the church in your house.

So Onesimus is coming back home. Well, you could understand there would be some tension in that scenario. The conversations around the room might stop. Everybody sees this person walk in. What is Philemon going to do?

There's a little buzz going around the room wondering how he's going to react. What is he going to say? Why is Onesimus here? What is he trying to do? And it seems likely here with Tychicus bearing a letter, and it seems Onesimus is probably bearing the letter to Philemon.

He's come back to restore his relationship that has been broken. Let me just take a moment. Let's just kinda pause for a second and talk about Roman slavery because I think it's important we make some distinctions here, and there's gonna be a lot of questions we don't answer throughout this week about this. If you wanna talk to me privately about it, I'll be glad to do it. Roman slavery is not like American slavery.

This is understandable that when we start hearing these terms and these words, we'll think about what we're used to hearing about, but there are massive differences between the oppressive form of slavery that took place in our country and this type of slavery that went on in Rome. Now don't get me wrong. There were certainly horrible and horrific situations even in Roman slavery, particularly with criminals who would be put in salt mines and other places as part of their their punishment, and there could be very ruthless masters. So these are all possibilities. But for the most part, that was not the nature of Roman slavery.

In fact, often, Roman slaves were were encouraged and were more highly educated than their masters. They did extremely important functions in society. They were doctors. They were accountants. And there's records of all these kinds of things of slaves being a part of those processes.

They could own property. They could be manumitted. Many of them were by the age of 30. And a lot of this is they get into some kind of debt or they have some kind of problem, and they would then kind of sell themselves to a master to pay off that debt. That was one of the means by which you could get into this situation.

In other words, was through birth, being born into it. But often, there is encouragement, and even the master would help pay for the slaves who eventually be freed. And their society is extremely different than ours. They still would have had association and connection. They would have still had obligations to their master even when they become freedmen, which is not the same as a free man.

Those are not the same status in Roman culture. If you were a slave, you're always you always have that status connected to you even when you've been freed from that master. A freedman is a designation. It's a status, and everyone knows you were a slave. Right?

So there's just a lot of differences between the ancient world and ours. And a slave could actually live in a great scenario in the ancient world often better than regular people who lived in poverty, which is another reason why sometimes they would connect themselves to these wealthy masters. Paul is also not trying to undo all of the wrongs and the problems of society and culture. Sometimes we have to dwell and live within whatever the scenarios we are in, and we do that as followers of Christ. We do this the right way, when we sometimes don't have control over sociological things around us.

And scripture itself deals with this in all in all kinds of ways. Paul is not here he's not interested in trying to undo Roman slavery. That's not really his goal. His goal is to get two people to act like Christ and to dwell together in unity and to do it in a way that glorifies God. That's ultimately his goal.

So I want us to understand that difference as we move forward. And what Paul wants to do, we're gonna talk a little bit about Paul because he wrote the letter, but the focus is gonna be kind of on what he's doing with Philemon and the focus on Philemon's perspective and the difficulty of this scenario. Right? I mean, Philemon is in a bad spot. He has been hurt by the actions of Onesimus in some way, maybe multiple ways.

And now he is put in a position where he's gotta deal with the return of Onesimus. What is he gonna do? How is he gonna do this? And Paul's gonna appeal to him, I think, in a very effective way. But it's interesting the way we think about this.

I mean, these are nice stories. We read through scripture. I mean, we love reconciliation stories, don't we? You know, they're they're fun to read. They have enjoyable little catches to them.

And so we love the story of Joseph, you know, embracing his brothers at the end, his brothers who sold him into slavery. And now through a series of events, they end up in Egypt, and he kinda tricks them a little bit, and they don't know who he is. And then eventually, he reveals himself, and everything is good because of Joseph and who he is. And there's lot of great lessons in that. Love the father running to meet the prodigal, restoring that relationship that was broken through the prodigal's sin.

And we probably like these stories because we realize how badly we need god's mercy. Right? That's part of the story of the prodigal. The father cares, and he loves the son even though he's done wrong, and he's ready to receive him back. But they also move us, I'm convinced, because we're just spectators.

Isn't that nice? We just look at somebody else, and they have the hard job of forgiving. What about when I'm the one who's hurt? What about when I'm the one who's hurt by a brother's action? I mean, real hurt.

Not just we disagree about something or we feel offended about something that we imagine happened or we think that they said, no. Real tangible pain that has been inflicted on us somehow. Maybe their actions cost me financially or they cost a friendship. They made somebody else think negatively of me somehow. Maybe they lied, or they gossiped about me or my child and did damage to my family, or they were about a bit shady in business, and I end up losing money and got burned because of their actions.

Are we moved to show compassion and to grant forgiveness like Joseph when it's about me? When I'm the one who suffered the pain. It's all great when it's theoretical. And the principles I was talking to a couple brothers earlier. The principles are easy.

I mean, to understand what we talked about from John 17 and Ephesians four and Matthew 18 this morning in the bible class hour, those are not complicated ideas. And most of what we're gonna talk about, it's not complicated in theory, but it's when the things actually happen to me, then what? Then what am I gonna do when I'm in the middle of it? Philemon was undeniably wronged by Onesimus. He was useless.

Paul says, as Reagan pointed out earlier, now he's useful. And it's easy to say, hey, Philemon, things are good now. I mean, Onesimus, he was baptized. Now he's useful. Just forget about it.

Just move on. Isn't this how things are often handled? And so it's easy to admire forgiveness when someone else has to practice it, but it's different when I'm the one who's betrayed. And the great thing about Philemon and the story here is it's not a parable. It's not just a hypothetical story.

It's a real church, and it's real people, and it's real hurt, and it's real fellowship that hangs in the balance. What's going to happen between Philemon and Onesimus, and Philemon is in his house where the church meets? How is this all gonna go down? And to some extent, the story kinda leaves us hanging. I think we can kind of assume things went well.

Paul assumes that's gonna be the case. But I think it's helpful for us to look at the story and then learn some things about how fellowship works and the importance of fellowship. All sorts of passages in the New Testament teach us about fellowship. We just looked at some in our observance of the Lord's supper earlier. But Philemon shows us what fellowship looks like when life gets messy and difficult.

And so we're gonna look at this story through the eyes of these three different men, but this morning, we're gonna start with with Philemon. And what Paul is doing, I'm convinced along with using some some conventions they were familiar with with the convention of grace, appealing to him according to grace, and their society was a network of relationships. And so it's kind of like Paul and Philemon are who's who is the patron here? Who's the one that's blessing the other? And they're kind of working back and forth, and that's a whole other aspect of this account that's really interesting.

But Paul's using some of that rhetoric, I think, in a purposeful way to try to convince Philemon of what is the right action. What is the right thing to do in this scenario as one who is following Christ? But it's not that he's trying to force him into it. He's not trying to obligate him. He's wanting to guide his mind toward proper thought, toward proper action.

And that's the focus I wanna look at this morning. The first thing is, I think what Paul's doing with Philemon is saying, remember who you are. Remember the kind of person you are. This is where the letter begins. In verse four, I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints.

And I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. This is the nice part of the letter where we're thinking, okay, what are they about to ask me? You know, they're kinda telling me all the good things. You're such a good person.

Hey. What do you want? Now it's a little more subtle than that. And I think Paul is completely sincere in what he's doing here. I think he wants Philemon focused on who he is in Christ, not who Onesimus was.

Rather than focusing on what Onesimus did, how he wronged me, how much it cost, all of that, he said, remember the kind of person you are. Remember your identity. Even back all the way in verse one, you're a beloved fellow worker, Paul reminds him. Paul's saying, I value you. I mean, we're he's kinda putting himself on equal terms with Paul the apostle.

Notice Paul doesn't actually use that designation here. He calls himself a prisoner. He purposely, I think, stays away from saying Paul the apostle. He's not trying to command or demand that Philemon do something here. He's saying, hey.

I'm just a fellow prisoner. You're a fellow worker with me. And you're you're the kind of person who has a church in your home. This is how much you care about god and his people. He is reminding and bringing all of this into our for Philemon.

And I thank god always for you. You're the kind of person do you have people like that in your life? I mean, I there's so many people. I can't even think of all of them right now, but, I mean, there are people at Decor Prairie where I attend. When I think of that person, I just thank god for them all the time.

I mean, they're just amazing people. And not just because they have blessed me in some way, although most of them have in some form or fashion, but because I see the way they treat other people. I see the way they care about people within our congregation, the way they care about people in other places. And when I think about that person, I admire those kinds of people and think, I need to be like that. I mean, that's one of the ways we encourage each other.

Paul's reminding Philemon, you're that kind of person. When I think of you, I just thank God for you. And I remember the kind of person you are, and I'm hearing a same thing like this. You the same person. It's not always the things they've done for you, but you hear about all the things they're doing.

You know, you in conversation, you realize, oh, that person helped this person, and they went and helped them move, and they went and sat with their mom or their dad when they were sick. And we hear all these things. This is Philemon. He is a godly man that Paul has heard all sorts of good things about and not just has he heard but he's also experienced. I have derived much joy and comfort from your love.

It's not just the things I've heard, Paul says. You've also helped me. And in the way that you act and then the things that you do, verse seven, he'll come back to this phrase again toward the end of the letter. He says, the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. That's the kind of person you are, Philemon.

That's what Paul wants him to understand. Don't we do this with our kids too? We wanna remind them before they are gonna go out sometimes under our no longer under our view for a little while. This is the kind of person you are. Remember that.

Stay true to that and the choices you make and the actions you go through, this is who you are. And we may even bring up things about them and things they've done just to reinforce all the good things about their personality or their identity and say, that's good. Continue that. This is what's happening here with Paul. This is who you are if I now you're entering a situation that's difficult.

So remember the kind of person you are. We find ourselves in conflict and difficulty. This is so important. The temperature begins to rise. We get frustrated.

We get upset. We can't believe that person said this or they did that, and the emotions start to flow. And very quickly, we can go directions that we normally wouldn't go. Remember the kind of person you are. Our hardest moments I want you to understand this.

Our hardest moments do not form our character. They just reveal it. They reveal who we are. When we face difficulty, when we have hard times, that's when who we actually are is put on display. The ways that we have developed our character and we've shaped ourselves over time, when when difficulties and struggles come, whatever they may be, whether it's a conflict or financial struggle or sickness or whatever, when those things hit, that's when we figure out the kind of person we actually are.

And so if I if during a struggle, during some kind of conflict, I'm the kind of person who is unmerciful or hateful or mean or unforgiving or unfair or I become a bully or I'm unwilling to listen, that's who I really am. And we shouldn't fool ourselves to think that just when things are good, I can act nice and kind and gentle and imagine that's the kind of person I am. No. The kind of person I am is when the heat is on, and that's the way I act. Paul's trying to get ahead of that a little bit.

This may be pretty tense. We don't know the exact wrongs. We don't know how much damage and how much cost there was and what Onesimus did, it seems like there's something based on what Paul is saying here. He prefaces before he even says a word about Onesimus, he wants Philemon to remember who he is. What kind of person this is what you have to ask ourselves.

What kind of person am I known to be? When people think about me, right, and you have to ask this to yourself, What kind of person do they think I am? Some of those things might be great. They might be really good. But if I'm honest, there may be some things that need some work.

And I want us to get this principle. This is just as important as the idea of struggles, revealing who we are, not forming who we are. Preserving fellowship begins long before any conflict ever arises. That's why it's important to talk about it in moments like this when you're not facing difficult there's no known big struggles or conflicts. It's the way we're developing our character now to prepare for those moments when there is a disagreement or we don't see eye to eye.

We're shaping our character so when the heat rises, we're ready to respond in a godly way. Remember who you are. The second thing Paul is working through, I think, in this letter is remember to whom you belong. There is a huge principle throughout scripture that, Jonathan Banning and we were working on this. We discussed this a lot.

The idea that spiritual family is actually greater than physical family. And there's a few different ways this is demonstrated through scripture. But I think some of the easiest ones are just in the words of Jesus himself. Matthew chapter 10, he says, whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. Now he's not telling us not to love our parents, but he's setting priority.

The most important thing is to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. And even if family is pulling us away, we have to walk away from that and say, God and Christ are more important. And the family we have through him is more important. And for some of you, that's maybe a reality. Maybe you face that in your life.

Maybe you have family members who reject you because you follow Jesus, and you grab on tight to the people who are in this room because they are your family. But I want us all to understand the importance of that even when our family hasn't rejected us. Our spiritual family is key. We are a family. In Matthew chapter 12, Jesus is here teaching and people come and say, hey, look.

Here's your mother and your brothers and your sisters. And Jesus says, for whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother. Again, it's not that Jesus didn't love his mother or his brothers, but he's trying to make a point. The people who are my people, who are my family, are the ones who obey god. The ones who do the will of father.

This is your family. Decker Prairie is my family. And to a greater extent, you are my family. We are the people of God, and we should love each other. Sometimes in the family, things don't always go perfect, but we love each other, and we want what's best for each other.

And familial language is all throughout Philemon, even from the very beginning. Timothy, our brother, Appiah, our sister, verse two. Right? All the way down through, he keeps using this is the concept is called fictive kinship in scripture if you read scholarly stuff about it, but I would say it's not very fictive. That means it's kinda fake, but I don't think it's fake.

I mean, you are my brother. You are my sister. This is a family that matters. It is extremely important that we see ourselves and that we value ourselves as family. Paul calls Onesimus, my child whose father I became in my imprisonment.

When he's talking to Philemon about the value of Onesimus and how important all of the way these events played out and now Onesimus is coming back, he said, now you have him back forever, no longer as a bond servant, but more than a bond servant, as a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you both in the flesh and in the Lord? And probably the idea there is in the flesh, this normal day to day life is gonna be better. Right? But spiritually, now they have a spiritual relationship too. It's completely changed the dynamic between Philemon and Onesimus because they're both in the lord and they are family.

We are family. And family, the spiritual family is greater than the physical family. We already talked about Matthew 18 and these texts, we're gonna keep bringing them up throughout these few days. But, you know, this is why Jesus gives the instructions he does. Tell him his fault.

Remember Matthew 18, this is the procedure part that should be based on a good heart and a good character. Tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you have gained. Right? The goal is to gain.

He says you have gained your brother. This is family. This is how much this matters. It's bigger than just being right or wrong. It's about the relationship that we have.

Let me ask you this. When your child does something wrong, it happens. It happens to all of us. Because that's kind of embarrassing, isn't it? You know, our child, they say the wrong thing or they do the wrong thing.

And as good parents, we expect that to be taken care of, and we know that needs to be dealt with. But in even in the middle of that, does it matter to you how someone treats your child or handles your child even when they're wrong? You know, what if the other kids are directed by their parents to just start excluding your child? And what if they go around gossiping or telling stories about your they grow and they get bigger, and now there's kind of this mark on your child that's not even really that fair. How do you feel about that?

You say, oh, well, they did wrong, so I guess it's all okay. Oh, that's not right. We don't want our child treated that way. Does god care how his children are treated? I mean, even though Onesimus is in the wrong, does it matter how he's treated?

Certainly, does. And this is part of what Paul's wanting Philemon to understand. He it needs to be Philemon's choice. Philemon needs to make this decision himself to do the right thing. And so Paul's not gonna say, I'm an apostle, and you must say you're sorry.

Well, that doesn't really deal with the heart of the issue. But at the same time, he does need to understand that family matters, and god cares about his sons and his daughters. Right? Every soul matters. Matthew 18, we already talked about that.

And so it's not okay for me to just not be kind, to ignore someone, to treat them unfairly because god cares how his children are treated. And then all of this sort of goes back to the principle we looked at in Matthew 18. We need to remember what's at stake. Remember what's at stake here, not remember how much you've been wronged or the cost or the damage that was done. In the words of Alexander Pope, he said, to err is human.

To forgive is divine in his essays on criticism. Said another way by John MacArthur, of all attributes, forgiveness is what makes us most like god. Because it's so hard. And the ability to forgive when I've been wronged or when you've been wronged, it's what makes us mirror our father in heaven. Be perfect as your father in heaven is perfect, Jesus said in the sermon on the mount.

Be like him. And the ability to recognize I've been wronged and to still take this person as a family and as a brother says something about how much I have transformed my life to be like Jesus Christ. I mentioned earlier Ecclesiastes seven, and I just wanna I wanna go over there. It's such a great text. I wanna read this with you because I think this is just a matter of humility.

And when we struggle with this, remembering what's at stake, you know, and we wanna get even and we wanna get ours kinda like the unforgiving servant, we're losing sight of some of these realities of life. What Alexander Pope said that to err is human. We all make mistakes, and we should wrestle with conflict with that reality. That none of us is perfect. And this is what the wise man says.

This is this is real life. Okay? This is how things work, and that's what the wise man's doing in Ecclesiastes. This is not the ideal. This is not a picture of what everything should look like.

No. This is just the reality of how things happen. He says, surely this is verse 20. Ecclesiastes seven to verse 20. Surely, there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.

Let's just start there. Before I get high and mighty and start wanting to criticize what this person did or how they could make a mistake and how they could wrong me and whatever the scenario is, let's just remember what the wise man says. Here, Paul says it as well in Romans three. When I'm thinking about the mistakes they've made, and sometimes we like to say, well, they made much bigger mistakes than I did. We'll come back to that in a few days.

I just need to remember with some humility that I can't say I've never sinned. John talks about this in first John one as well. Verse 21, let's get maybe more down to earth here. Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.

Have have you ever had a moment where you're talking to your spouse maybe or a good friend, and you're you're talking through something and then you're thinking, I really hope my phone didn't accidentally call somebody or record this. Have you ever had that happen? I've had someone send me something on accident, and then they had to come and apologize for some of the things they said. That's kind of embarrassing, isn't it? But, you know, in that moment, I thought that could just have easily have happened to me.

You know, we talk about things, particularly me and my wife. We discussed stuff and, man, sometimes if that phone's on, gotta be careful. I've thought a lot about that lately. And particularly, not even just that, maybe what our kids are hearing. You know, we complain about this or we grumble about that.

That that has an impact. And in recent years, especially, I mean, we can we can point out all the things we don't like and how we wish something in particular. Let's just be honest with with with church services. You know, the things we like and what we would like for it to be, just don't feed your kids a steady diet of that. Talk about how amazing it is to glorify god this morning.

To praise him in song, to open scripture, how loving he is, And I'm not saying you can't ever say anything that you would like to be better, but, man, I just realized I don't want my kids to always hear about how this could have been better and that could have been better. We're we're we're reading god's word. We're singing. We're praying. But more than all of that, just with some humility, before I get all offended and upset because I overheard somebody say something about me, what have I said about people?

Am I gonna get all worked up because someone gave some opinion when I know good and well that I've done this very same thing? I mean, this is what the wise man's pointing out. Just stop. Don't be like that. Be the kind of person who values fellowship, who's willing to look the other way.

Now if it's a serious issue and real problems are happening, I'm not saying you just dismiss everything. You just roll over and let it all happen and never talk. No. There comes a time when you do have to go to the person and have a conversation, and that's part of scripture as well. But I just feel strongly that so often, we can just give people the benefit of the doubt And so, you know, they probably didn't mean harm by what they said.

What tends to happen is we assign a lot more damage and harm to people's words than they probably even intended. We take their criticism more harshly than they were really even trying to give. And you just do some public speaking, and you'll get some criticism. You'll get people telling you what they thought you should have said and how the point should have been made and all that. You know what?

We can learn from those things. Preachers, teachers, when people tell there's something in what they're telling us that's helpful even if we don't fully agree with the whole point they're making. All of this so much of this has to do with humility and remembering what's at stake. When I when I take all of this personally, I get all offended, and then I won't forgive, and I don't like that person. And I say, well, I'm a Christian, but I just avoid so and so.

We just don't get along. So, I'm just not gonna talk to them. I'm a Christian but I just can't forgive what this person did. That is nothing like Christ. That is not godly behavior in the slightest.

If Jesus had a problem with somebody, he went to them. That included the Pharisees. It included the Sadducees. He told them straight to their faces what was wrong. And that's why he gives the procedure he gives in Matthew 18.

That's how you deal with things. And you know what? Jesus loved the Sadducees and he loved the Pharisees and he actually took quite a while before he gave them harsh criticism. But he did it finally because he was trying to pull them out of the fire. It wasn't to win.

It wasn't to show how much better he was. He was loving and caring, and he wanted those people to turn to him, and some of them did. We learn later in scripture. That's amazing. That should be our goal.

My own forgiveness is at risk just like the unforgiving servant. If I'm the kind of person who just won't forgive, it's too much for me. That person did so much. I can't believe they would act that way, and I just can't ever think of them the same way again. What does scripture say about that?

These are just a few. There's others. We already looked at Colossians three thirteen. But in the Sermon on the Mount multiple times, this is the fundamental sermon of kingdom citizenship. What Jesus wants us to know about what it means to be in his kingdom, to be his follower.

Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. And if I'm the kind of person who just can't let go and I can never forgive, what can I expect? And that text that everybody in our world knows, judge not unless you be judged. The whole idea there is be careful the measure you use because it's gonna be measured back on you. It's not that you can't ever make judgments.

In fact, he goes on to say we should make good and righteous judgments. But the kind of judgments we use, they're gonna be measured back to us the same way. So if I'm a bully and I pull out and pick out every little thing here and there about some other person that I don't like and I try to expose them and create problems for them, guess what measure is gonna be used back on me? Matthew six fourteen and fifteen. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. James, for judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. It's hard being the victim. A lot of times, people wanna act like everything's okay.

It's so easy for bidders to settle in. Others often want quick, no pain solutions. And when we don't do that, you become the villain. I've seen this so often, particularly within families. The person trying to do the right thing, everyone gets mad at and upset with.

So it's hard. It's hard to be the one who's been hurt and to say, I've actually been hurt. We need to talk about this. Because so often, what people want to do is just move past it and say, let's not talk about it. Let's just pretend it's all okay and have pretend peace.

That never solves anything. And as we get further into this letter and consider it from different perspectives, we'll consider that even more. But just recognize Philemon's in a strange and difficult position where he's been hurt. And now how is he gonna deal with this? Is he gonna act like nothing happened and move on and then still feel resentment and bitterness?

Or is he going to attack this in a way that is beneficial to everyone? Paul's not gonna push it. He encourages and he appeals to Philemon's goodness It has godly heart because he wants true fellowship and not pretend peace. It was hard for Christ to be the victim. He gave himself for my sin and for your sin.

He did no wrong. And yet in his innocence, he was killed for what I did and what you did. And he did it in love and humility. He did it for my good and for your good. And it's that same heart that we need to have as we think about some of the situations we face with others.

But maybe this morning, you realize how great your offense is against the father and against the son and the spirit, and you realize that you're just in such a bad position. You have wronged the creator and the ruler of the whole world. How can there ever be a solution to this? You're the 10,000 talent man. There's no way you can pay this back.

But in his grace and his mercy, God has provided forgiveness. He was happy to be the victim. He was glad to do this on our account. Isaiah 53 even talks about this. He was crushed for our iniquity.

He was pierced for our sins and our transgression so that we can be brought back into unity, which is what he desperately wants for all of us with him. Can we help you do that this morning? Won't you come now as we stand and we sing?